


Fragmented.

by chanmosphere



Series: Tales of Chanbaek [23]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:46:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanmosphere/pseuds/chanmosphere
Summary: Chanyeol had to let him go.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Series: Tales of Chanbaek [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/954441
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

"I think it's time for you to give out your place as his doctor.” The doctor says, his eyes are fixed on him, expecting, aware.

When Junmyeon asked him to pass by his office later, earlier this morning, Chanyeol knew it wasn't exactly to give him the best news. It never was.

"What? But━" Chanyeol straightens on his chair, a little alarmed.

"He's on the last phase. Soon, he'll━"

"I know, you don't have to remind me of that." Chanyeol mumbles, looking down at his hands on his lap.

"Exactly. You have to let someone else handle the hardest part." Junmyeon's tone is soft and comprehensive, but Chanyeol knows he won't desist.

"You know the only way I would let someone else handle that is if that someone else is you."

"I don't practice anymore, Yeol. I'm━" Junmyeon stops himself when he sees the determination on his friend's face. "He's my friend too."

"I will only trust him with you." Chanyeol almost pleads.

Junmyeon remains silent for what it seems to be an eternity. In the end he sighs, closing his eyes as he taps his pen on his desk a few times.

"Okay." He says, eyes now meeting Chanyeol's.

"Then I'm ready to take those vacations." The younger nods to himself.

*

Baekhyun's room is warm compared to others, as per his own request. He hates having his feet cold.

The TV is on, an American movie Chanyeol remembers having watched years ago with Baekhyun on their first date it's playing. Baekhyun still likes it a lot.

"Oh, hey." Baekhyun's voice is weak and groggy. His eyes are half closed and his chapped lips are forming a tiny smile. "Where is your coat? I was hoping to fulfill my doctor fantasies with you today." He jokes, despite of barely having enough strength to speak.

Chanyeol chuckles, pulling the chair in the room closer to the bed. "I'm officially on vacations." He says, grabbing Baekhyun's hand, bringing it close to his lips and leaving a small kiss on his knuckles. Baekhyun's hands are cold and bony.

"Then what are you doing here?" He coughs a little. "You should be out there enjoying yourself and not here stuck with me in these awfully ugly four walls."

"I enjoy being with you." Chanyeol smiles.

"Liar. I'm ugly and boring now." Baekhyun scoffs. Or he tries to, breathing gets harder every time.

"What are you talking about? You're still the most beautiful, funny person I've ever met."

"You're my husband, it's your job to say that." Baekhyun rolls his head to the side a little, tired eyes meeting Chanyeol's.

"Doesn't mean it isn't true." Chanyeol reaches his hand out to remove a few locks of dry hair out of his husband's face. Baekhyun's hair had lost its glossiness and softness a while ago.

"I love you, did you know that?" Baekhyun closes his eyes, letting the smile on his lips widen a little.

Chanyeol nods. "I love you too, baby."

"Yeol, promise me that when I'm━"

"No. Don't start again." Chanyeol shakes his head.

"But━"

"You need to stop talking and rest."

"Will you stay here? I don't feel like being alone." Baekhyun mumbles as he shifts his position, hissing in pain a little. Worried, Chanyeol moves fast, trying to help Baekhyun get to a more comfortable position, but he's immediately stopped by his husband. "I'm fine."

Chanyeol lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and sits back down. Baekhyun remains silent, eyes fixed on the TV, hand holding Chanyeol’s with all the strength he has left as he slowly drifts off. He falls into a restless sleep; Baekhyun whimpers in what could only be pain, his breathing is laboured, his chest heavily moving up and down, eyes twitching.

Baekhyun hasn't had a proper, peaceful sleep in months. It breaks Chanyeol's heart.

"I'll see you in the morning." Chanyeol whispers, leaning in to leave a kiss on his husband's forehead and then sit down again. If Baekhyun doesn't rest, he won't either.

Tomorrow is still uncertain, he cries in silence, but still hopes for a miracle to happen.

*

Days pass painfully slow. There are no changes on Baekhyun, not for good at least. He stops speaking, he only does when it's really necessary; solid foods are not an option anymore and the last sparkle in his eyes, finally died.

Chanyeol sits on that same chair every day, almost 24 hours a day, with the exception of the time he has to leave the room while Junmyeon and a nurse give his husband his treatment.

Junmyeon says is not necessary, because it's not really working anymore. If anything, it only lessens the pain and gives Chanyeol some peace of mind. Baekhyun weakens every passing hour; sometimes, he just remains there, unmoving, staring at the ceiling with his fragile hand wrapped around Chanyeol's.

Chanyeol can feel his heart slowly dying as well, but for Baekhyun, there's always a smile and a sweet kiss on the forehead.

"You don't kiss me on the lips anymore." Baekhyun tells him one day, barely audible, slowly rolling his head to the side to look at his husband. "Are you... disgusted?"

"No. No." Chanyeol rushes to say. "I just━ I just don't want to exhaust you." He admits. And it's true. Chanyeol is afraid that if he kisses him on the lips, he will steal his last breath, literally.

"Kiss me, please." Baekhyun mumbles. "Please." He weakly tugs on his hand.

Baekhyun shouldn't beg for his affection, but this time it's hard; hard to know that this might be the last kiss they share.

Eitherway, Chanyeol swallows and stands up, supporting himself on the bed and bending forward until his lips are softly pressed against Baekhyun's. His skin is cold and his lips feel dry to the touch, but Chanyeol doesn't care. Baekhyun does his best to kiss him back.

Chanyeol reciprocates by leaving thousands of tiny pecks on his husband's lips. The emotions flow out and he can't help the tears from spilling out of his eyes, his body shaking with a violent sob.

He shouldn't be crying. He promised himself he would not let Baekhyun see him cry.

"My sweet Chanyeol." Baekhyun whispers, lips curling up on the tiniest of smiles. "Don't cry for me. We knew."

Chanyeol straightens up, trembling hand wiping the tears away with the sleeve of his shirt. "I'm sorry." He says, voice raspy and tired. They did know, but it doesn't make it less painful.

"Don't be. I love you so much."

The words stuck in Chanyeol's throat. Instead of speaking, he chooses to kiss Baekhyun some more. Until the older finally falls asleep again.

*

It's past 3 in the morning, Chanyeol remains awake, unable to close his eyes, aware of Baekhyun's every move.

Earlier in the day, Baekhyun had suffered an episode: his lungs and his heart collapsed. He couldn't breathe anymore and even though Chanyeol knew that should have been the end of his husband’s pain, he just couldn't do it. He wasn't ready yet. And neither was Baekhyun, he knew the moment his husband opened his eyes again, a grateful glint in them.

Baekhyun shifts on his sleep a little, startling Chanyeol, who quickly straightens up and looks at the older with wide eyes.

"You know..." Baekhyun speaks as he slowly opens his eyes, through his oxygen mask "I dreamt about the day we met."

"Oh, really?" Chanyeol asks softly, fingers threading along Baekhyun's hair.

The older hums. "Or was it a memory? I'm not sure."

"It's okay, you shouldn't force yourself too much."

"I'm sleepy." Baekhyun licks his dry lips. "Very, very sleepy."

"Sleep then, love." Chanyeol presses their foreheads together.

"Yeah, maybe I should just... let go." Baekhyun says and the meaning behind those words hit Chanyeol like a wrecking ball.

His breath hitches, his chest heaves up and down. "Baek━" He starts to panic.

Baekhyun tries to smile. "Let my body go, but promise me you'll━ promise me you will always keep me in your━ your heart." He struggles to say.

"No, no. Don't leave me yet. Not yet." Chanyeol doesn't notice the moment the tears start rolling down his cheeks.

"Promise me you’ll take care of yourself. I will, wherever I am."

"Baekhyun, don't, please━ one more day, just━ just one more day!" Chanyeol desperately tries to hold onto Baekhyun's hand that slowly loses his hold on his own.

"I'm tired." Baekhyun whispers as his eyes slowly start to close. "We'll meet again. We'll stay together… forever this time."

Chanyeol can't feel his husband's hold anymore. The flat beep of the heart monitor fills the room with the cruelest of sounds. He steps back, breathing hard and fast, eyes open wide.

Chanyeol is confused, a little out of himself. It isn't happening, right? He's dreaming, a nightmare, he should be waking up any moment now. Chanyeol pinches his arm, but he's still at that hospital room, seeing how it's soon crowded by nurses surrounding Baekhyun's bed.

_ Baekhyun _ .

Chanyeol's eyes focus once again on his husband. Baekhyun is sleeping, the most peaceful he has seen him sleep in months.

Junmyeon enters the room in a rush, ignoring the fact that his friend is standing there, with his back glued to the wall next to the door.

"No." Chanyeol finds the voice to say. Junmyeon stops and turns to look at him. "Let him go."

"Chanyeol━"

"Let him go." Chanyeol repeats.

"Stop." Junmyeon says firmly directed to the group of nurses and interns, who were ready to start the resuscitation. They all look at him in shock.

The flat beep of the heart monitor seems to never end and it's torture.

Junmyeon gives him one last glance before nodding. "Time of death: 4:35 a.m." He says, looking at his watch.

Chanyeol blinks, but his eyes are dry. "Could you please give me a moment?"

Junmyeon nods and in a moment everyone is out and they're alone again.

Chanyeol stands next to the bed. Around fifteen minutes have passed since Junmyeon called Baekhyun's death. His hand is wrapped around Baekhyun's, his skin is still warm and Baekhyun isn't speaking. Nothing much has changed as to when he was alive.

Chanyeol is not crying anymore, but the pain in his chest is suffocating, oppressing and it's increasing second by second.

Baekhyun is dead.

"I hope you knew how much I loved you and how happy you made━" Chanyeol stops himself and swallows. Baekhyun is not gone, he reminds himself, just his body "make me. I just wish we could have had more time." Chanyeol mumbles, squeezing softly the ice cold hand.

They never made plans, Baekhyun was entirely against it and Chanyeol accepted it. Living day by day was their motto.

"Is not a good bye, is it?" A sad smile curls up Chanyeol's lips. "You'll wait for me and then, we can be together again. Forever this time... like you said." He laughs, but his laughter is cut off by a sob. "I love you so much." Chanyeol says, voice breaking at every word.

He can't take it anymore, the tears fill his eyes, making it impossible for him to even speak. He retrieves his hand fast, almost as if Baekhyun's cold skin burned.

Reality is finally settling down on him. Baekhyun is gone and he's never going to see him again.

Chanyeol covers his mouth with his hand to suppress a violent sob. "Chanyeol." Junmyeon is back. He places a hand on his shoulder, but Chanyeol can't stand the touch and shakes him off. "Chanyeol, we have to prepare Baekhyun's body and you need to go out."

"I don't wanna leave him." Chanyeol shakes his head.

"You're gonna see him again soon."

"That's not true, that's━"

"Come on, let's go." Junmyeon pulls on his arm when two nurses come in.

This time, Chanyeol lets his friend take him away, there's nothing left for him in that room anyway.

*

It's a chilly November afternoon, the wind blows and the sun is being partially covered by the clouds.

The service ended 30 minutes ago and everyone has left already.

Chanyeol stands by himself in front of the gravestone, his trench coat buttoned at the front, dressed in black from head to toe; not because it's a funeral, but because Baekhyun loved seeing him in black. Elegant, sexy, he would say, and Chanyeol would blush madly.

_ Byun Baekhyun _

_ 1992-2026 _

_ Beloved husband, son and brother. _

The gravestone reads. Chanyeol scoffs, beloved isn't even close. How he wishes he could have craved every single word that is still stuck in his chest; every single word that he didn't have the chance to tell Baekhyun.

The wind blows stronger, his hair covering his eyes for a second. Chanyeol grunts and pushes it back, he regrets not having styled it up.

His eyes focus at the front, just across the small path of dirt; he freezes, his breath hitches. Baekhyun is standing right there, just a few steps away from him and he's looking at him. He looks so different, he's smiling. His hair shines with the little sunlight that passes through the clouds, his eyes are glinting and his cheeks are exceptionally pink. He looks beautiful, just like he always did.

Chanyeol swallows the hard lump in his throat. He wants to move, run over there to make sure he's not just hallucinating, but his feet are glued to the ground.

Chanyeol looks down and quickly jerks his head up again, eyes wide and filled to the brim with tears. Baekhyun is still standing there, now laughing, glowing. Chanyeol can hear the echo of his laughter in the wind. He's laughing at him.

Baekhyun shakes his head, adoring eyes focused on him.

_ Don't be sad. _ The wind blows, whispering in his ear. It's Baekhyun's voice.  _ I don't want you to cry anymore. _

"Baek━" Chanyeol's voice breaks.

_ I'll be watching over you, behave. _ Baekhyun points a finger at him, lips slightly pouting and the cutest frown on his face.  _ I love you. _

Baekhyun giggles in the distance, then, he's blowing him a kiss. Baekhyun waves him goodbye.

Chanyeol blinks. Baekhyun is gone now.

Chanyeol crooks half a smile, his heart feeling at peace. Everything is going to be fine.


	2. Chapter 2

The small bell on the door jingles when it opens. Chanyeol looks up, distracting himself from the news he's reading on his phone. His favorite author released a new book, he might as well pass by the library to buy it later.

A new customer walks in the shop, shivering and shaking the white flakes off of his body. It snowed pretty hard last night and it's still snowing now.

Baekhyun's favorite drink rests in front of him, still warm. Chanyeol smiles, remembering just how upset Baekhyun was when he was told he wasn't allowed to drink coffee anymore. It's been three years and Chanyeol still misses him. Sometimes it still hurts like it did at the beginning.

The bell jingles again and the customer walking in accidentally crashes against the one going out. Flashes of memories suddenly fill his brain and everything seems to slow down. It was sixteen years ago, when Chanyeol met Baekhyun for the first time in that same coffee shop, during a snowy January afternoon.

Chanyeol hated snow. He hated it soaking his shoes and his hair and he most likely hated it sliding into his back by the collar of his jacket. But at that moment, he didn't care, all he wanted was something hot to drink and to keep him awake for the long hours of study he had ahead of him.

Why did no one tell him that being a med student would be so hard?

He was busy staring at his wet shoes, hence, wet socks and no time to go back to his dorm and change. The perfect combination for a cold, he would know.

Making his way to the usual coffee shop, Chanyeol wasn't really paying attention to where he was going, there wasn't many people on the streets at those hours; most of them preferring to stay inside of wherever they were. He also could have stayed at school, buy coffee at the cafeteria and save himself from the merciless cold and the annoying snow, but if he really wanted the caffeine to work, cafeteria coffee was not a choice.

His hand grabbed on the cold handle of the coffee shop door, ready to open it and as he pulled, someone from the inside pushed. Chanyeol, on his hazy, grumpy self-sulking moment, takes a step forward, just in time for the door to open and slam against his face, hard.

"Fuck!" Chanyeol exclaimed, stumbling back, gloved hands flying up to cover his nose. "Oh my fucking god!" He groaned.

"Oh, oh! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Chanyeol looked up, eyes filled with tears due the pain, to find a short guy standing by the door, eyes wide and hand pressed against his mouth in shock.

"Ugh." Chanyeol grunted, pulling his hands away just to find out he's bleeding. "Fuck."

"Oh my god, you're bleeding."

“No shit." Chanyeol grumbled, glaring at the guy.

"Come━ come inside, they should have a first aid k-kit." The short guy told him. And Chanyeol did, not because Shorty told him, but because it was cold and he was in pain and that is never a good combination.

Chanyeol sat by a table, head rolled back to avoid dripping blood. Shorty guy comes back a minute later with a white box on his hands. "Alright, let me just━" The guy says as he struggled to open a packet of cotton balls, the tip of his tongue peeking out. His hands were shaking, making it more difficult than what it was supposed to be. "Damn it!" He cursed.

"Let me do it." Chanyeol said, reaching out to him. 

"N-no. I can do it." The guy insisted. Chanyeol sighed, but looking at the determination on the guy’s eyes, he shrugged and let him be. It took him a couple of more seconds, until he finally managed to open the packet. "I'm sorry, my hands tend to shake a lot sometimes." He sheepishly said, gently pressing the cotton ball against Chanyeol's nostril. "I'm also sorry about this, I was distracted and━"

"I was distracted too." Chanyeol shook his head. "I wasn't looking where I was heading to."

"I'm Baekhyun." Baekhyun said and flashed him a smile. The most beautiful smile Chanyeol had seen in his 21 years of life.

"I um... I'm Chanyeol?" Chanyeol stupidly answered.

Baekhyun scoffed, quirking an eyebrow at him. "Are you or are you not?"

"I am! My name is Chanyeol." He nodded his head almost frantically.  _ Stupid, stupid, stupid. _ Chanyeol wanted to smash his face against the table.

"Nice to meet you, Chanyeol." Oh, there it was that smile again; so bright and genuine. Chanyeol wondered if Baekhyun smiled like that to everyone. He surely hoped not.

"A very unconventional way of meeting someone." Chanyeol grinned.

Baekhyun's eyes widened a little, then he looked down, but Chanyeol didn't miss the blush on his cheeks.

"Well, I should━"

"Let me buy you a coffee!" Baekhyun blurted out. "Or━ or whatever you were going to buy today. You know... as an apology, for the injured nose."

Chanyeol remained silent for a moment, seeing how the brightness in Baekhyun's eyes slowly faltered at his silence.

"Yes, sure." Chanyeol rushed to say then. He still had an exam to study for and a millions of papers to finish and deliver, but how to say no to such eyes.

It was the first time in so long, that Chanyeol had felt his heart beating so crazily like that.

"Great!" Baekhyun chirped, still smiling as he turned around and headed to the counter. "Are you coming or not?" He called when Chanyeol stood seated there, just staring.

Chanyeol nodded, gathering the first-aid kit and walking toward Baekhyun.

He was just hoping that that wouldn't be the first and last time he would meet Baekhyun.

The ringing of his phone brings him back to reality. Chanyeol frowns at the interruption and takes the device from where it's resting on the table.

It's Junmyeon.

"Wake up, would you?" He says as soon as Chanyeol answers the call. His voice sounds too close to be on the phone, so Chanyeol looks up to find his friend standing there, just a step away, an annoyed expression on his face.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes and hangs up.

"I'm awake."

"You were distracted again." Junmyeon sits on the chair across him.

"Yeah, well..."

"Your lunch break is almost over."

"I know. I hate you when you act like my boss."

"I  _ am _ your boss."

"Not outside the hospital. Here you're just an annoying idiot." Chanyeol crumples a paper napkin and throws it at his friend's face.

Junmyeon doesn't move and lets it hit him on the forehead. "You ordered his drink again." He looks down at the half empty cup.

"Nostalgia." Chanyeol admits.

"How about some work to distract yourself?"

Chanyeol groans. "Fine. Let's go." He stands up, followed by a smiley Junmyeon.

Chanyeol grabs the cup and takes it with him. He never really liked Baekhyun's drink, it was always too sugary. It still is, but it reminds him of Baekhyun, his warmth, his sweetness, all his different layers.

“You know…” Chanyeol mumbles as they enter the hospital. “I was dreaming about the day we met.” He makes a pause. “Or was it a memory? I’m not sure.” Chanyeol adds, pensive as he collects his patients’ charts.

A half smile curls on Junmyeon’s lips, he shakes his head, watching as his friend walks away, focused on the papers on his hands. Maybe Chanyeol will find happiness again, he thinks, maybe someone will come and return the brightness to his eyes. 

Maybe… someday.


End file.
